i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
