I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
