I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There's always time for handjobs
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
