Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
