Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
