EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
