when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
