How'd it feel making her break her religion?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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