You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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