I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
