I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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