he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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