$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
