if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
