Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
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