Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
