you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
