trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
