so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
