around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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