great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
