what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
