I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
