I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
