Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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