I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
