it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
