You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
