I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
