If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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