hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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