I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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