sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We need to get me chipped asap
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
