The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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