In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just want nice things and good sex
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
