I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
