haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
