that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
