Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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