He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Drake has all the answers
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
