So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
