The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
