brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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