Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
MIDGETS
????
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
