Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
