I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
