I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He's a Shit stain on my heart
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
