i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
