i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Randomize
