Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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