ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
