every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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